Letting Go of Fear


One of the adventures on my bucket list has been to ride on a motorcycle even though I was scared to try it.  For years I have come up with an excuse everytime someone offered to take me for a ride.  My minister has a motorcycle and he was going to take me. Who better than someone that sits on the right hand of God.  I never went.  Yet, I always had a nagging sense in the back of my mind about a failed attempt at something I wanted to do.  I let the fear get in the way of just experiencing something that was, once again, out of my safety zone.

This year while we were in Bermuda, my son rented a moped.  He had no clue how to drive it but he had the confidence to trust in the lessons from the gentlemen that delivered the machine to our house on the Island.  Quickly, Chris caught on and off he went with a big smile on his face.  Next, he took his girlfriend for a ride.  The kicker was though when the little ones wanted to go.  Are you kidding me?  These guys.  Liam, at 8 went first and he was not afraid at all.  Joy was what I saw on his little face.  He loved it so much he went twice.  Of course, Chris did not take him out to the main road but just around the area where we were staying.  It was enough though.  Jaxson, at 5 was next.  Just standing there waiting his turn, you could feel his excitement.  I smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up.  Chris got him on and I could see that Jaxson was a bit afraid of leaving but he quickly held on to his Uncle tightly and off they went. How proud he was that he got to go and on his return, he was giving me the thumbs up while just holding his Uncle with one hand.  I'm sure this is a memory both boys will remember all their lives.

My mind was spinning.  Should I go? Yes. Maybe not. The boys did it. I could too.  And who safer to go with than my son.  I knew he would listen to me if I got scared and I also knew he would let me off if I wanted off.  So I sucked up my fear, put a helmet on my head and put my legs over the seat and held on.  It was a freeing moment the minute Chris hit the gas and we were off. Was I scared, yes, I was.  I was also pretty happy to finally let go and just hold on.

Just like the boys, it wasn't a long ride and I definitely did not want to hit the tar on the main road so we stayed up on the hill where a horse field was located.  My mind was racing.  I was afraid that Chris would take a turn and skid on the dirt and down we would go.  Guess what, that did not happen and we ended up back at the house safe and sound.  Another one off the bucket list.  Nothing major, just facing a fear and winning. For the record though, I'm pretty sure I won't go again...I can live with that though because now it's a choice, not a fear.

So here is the takeaway.  I do have things on my bucket list that are there just to challenge me.  They are things that I would like to do but if I don't get them all done it's o.k. I just don't want to say I didn't try.  For years it was this thing with the motorcycle...part thrill, part nightmare.  I never did get on the motorcycle.  I did though get on the moped.  So the lesson was not about either bike, it was about me, about letting go of the fear.  All those years I was thinking I was afraid to ride the motorcycle but in reality, all those years I was holding on to fear.  I have dragged fear around with me for most of my life it seems.  Over the years though, piece by piece, step by step, breath by breath I have been letting go.  It has taken forever it seems.   Then I  look back and see how far I have come.  Each time I look fear in the eye it is another piece on the puzzle board, fitting in.  More importantly, each time, I test myself and win...I get to do more.  I won't exactly say I'm living life in the fast lane yet but for sure I'm not in the break down lane anymore either. The middle of the road isn't so bad when you have come so far.  That's the lesson I'm learning. I'm going fast enough to get things done but slow enough to enjoy the ride.

                                                                 Liam and Uncle Chris

                                                                 Liam and Uncle Chris

                                                                Jaxson and Uncle Chris

                                                                Jaxson and Uncle Chris

Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear.
What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

All images taken with the Fuji XT-2 and the Fuji 18-135 lens.  

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